Some friends and I in a public house was playin' dominoes one night
When into the pub a fireman ran, his face all chalky white.
"What's up", says Brown, "Have you seen a ghost, or have you seen your Aunt Mariah?"
"Me Aunt Mariah be buggered!", says he, "The bleedin' pub's on fire!"
And there was Brown upside down, moppin' up the whiskey on the floor.
"Booze, booze!" The firemen cried as they came knockin' on the door (clap clap)
Oh don't let 'em in till it's all drunk up. Somebody shouted MacIntyre! (MACINTYRE!)
And we all got blue-blind paralytic drunk when the Old Dun Cow caught fire.
"Oh well," says Brown, "What a bit of luck. "Everybody follow me."
And it's down to the cellar, if the fire's not there then we'll have a drunken spree."
So we went on down with good old Brown and the booze we could not miss
We hadn't been there ten minutes or more 'til we were quite like this...
Then, Smith walked over to the port wine tub and gave it just a few hard knocks (clap clap)
Started takin' off his pantaloons, likewise his shoes and socks.
"Hold on, " says Brown, "that ain't allowed. Ya cannot do that down here.
Don't go washin' out your trotters in the finest wine tub when we got Miller Lite beer."
And then there came a great big crash. Half the bloody roof gave way.
We were almost drowned in the firemen's hose though still we were gonna stay
So we got some tacks and some old wet sacks and we nailed ourselves inside
And we sat there getting bleary-eyed drunk 'til we was petrified.
At last the firemen got inside and found us all dead drunk
But like true heroes, as they could they helped us in our funk
They saw the booze upon the floor and gave a sudden yell
Then the took their helmets off and dropped and drank like hell
Later that night, as the fire burned down, we emerged from the cellar below.
Our booze was drunk, our pub was burned and our spirits sank quite low.
"Oh, look!", says Brown as he checked his watch by the light of the dying fire.
"Now we gotta get down to Murphy's Pub, it closes on the hour!"
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