Let me start by saying Happy New Yarr! Life has set me on a different course and it is time to tell everyone that your old pal Sharkbait Simon is retiring from the Bilge Pumps. You will still have Jack the Rum Runner plucking the 12 string and even Maroon on the 6 string (I am sorry about that one).

I know you are all probably very relieved sad to see me go but my legacy will live on in the work that I have done. Let me throw some numbers at you concerning my time as the longest running, grumblingest guitarist in Bilge Pumps history:

I started in this band as a replacement guitarist who had zero clue what it was like to play pirate music. As many of you have heard me do on stage from time to time, I was used to playing 80s hard rock/hair band stuff. I did not realize you could play so much on an acoustic guitar without distortion or solos. As far as performing, I had done one play in my life and standup at a small bar. I had done some backing vocals on a few original recordings and did a mean karaoke version of Bon Jovi's "You Give Love A Bad Name". This was a whole new world...

My stage persona evolved from an intense desire to not mess up songs and that was interpreted as being grumpy. I was just fiercely focused but it seemed like a good choice since those who know me well off the stage know that I can be grumpy anyway. My original intent was to be just a guitarist but that evolved into singing and even lead vocals on some songs. Over the years, Sharkbait has grown from a seemingly grumpy but hyper-focused guitarist to a sometimes jovial, camera friendly singing diva who helped break the curse of the Bilge Pumps revolving door of guitarists.

I am mostly proud of the work I have done in my time but I am my harshest critic. I know that many people have enjoyed both the works I have recorded and my live performances - for that I am deeply grateful and humbled. I will miss the people I have come to call family and friends. I was going to go through a list of them but that would take too long and I would definitely end up forgetting someone or saying something I should not.

You never know when I might resurface. I have committed to a few of the gigs early in 2019 and after that it would be for those times when they just need my particular brand of insanity like maybe at the next electric show in Louisiana. I may popup from time to time as a patron of some of the shows but I could be in Sharkbait's clothes and might even allow myself to be pulled up for a song with my crazy pirate brethren.

Full sail and fair seas,
Sharkbait Simon the Scapegoat
Guitarist Extraordinaire

Well, it's finally happened... again... for only the second time in the history of the Bilge Pumps, we're going to end up missing the Medieval Fair of Norman. The first time was because of the birth of my daughter, which you'd have to admit is a pretty good excuse for me. The rest of the band, not so much This time, though, the situation is different, we're going to do another gig instead. (insert gasps here)

Believe us, we don't want to miss the Med Fair, it's one of our favorite shows to do and we consider it to be our "home" faire, even though it's in a different state. However, we were offered something we've never been offered before, a once-in-a-band's-lifetime gig, Tall Ships Galveston.

Allow me to give you the back story on this. We were planning on rolling along with our usual application process for Norman and had just gotten word from the immortal and overworked Ann Marie that applications were open, when we got an email from the Galveston Historical Foundation about this new festival in the works. We work for the GHF every year for Dickens on the Strand and they like us and we them, so when a Tall Ships event was put together, we were the first people they thought of to perform there. When they asked us if we wanted to do it, we, of course, said yes. Not just yes, but hell yes! A tall ships event basically in our own back yard? No brainer, there. Then they gave us the date...

So, after seeing that it was going to happen on the same weekend as the Medieval Fair, we had a Sophie's Choice on our hands. Don't do our "home" fair that is one of our favorites or take a shot at doing the type of show any pirate band would want to do? After some deliberation, and vetoing the idea of putting together a "B-Team" to do one of the shows, we elected to go with Tall Ships Galveston and hope that we didn't ruin our relationship with the Medieval Fair.

The good news is, the people at Norman understood and would likely have booted us in the nethers had we elected to not do this show. They would have loved to have us up there, but they would have kicked us, nonetheless. Due to Norman's particular scheduling shuffles to avoid Easter weekend and whatnot, regular acts sometimes have to miss a year and they come back strong again. We hope to be yet another statistic in this trend and plan on returning to the Medieval Fair in 2019 fatter than ever... er... bigger than ever.

In the meantime, be sure and let the Med Fair people know you missed us this year, so they'll remember that we weren't there. We promise to not have too much fun down in Galveston... maybe... well, we can't guarantee that.

Because it's all for me blog. Me jolly jolly blog.
....Maroon

What to Expect From a Band Member' Point of View

Weekly practice
2½ hrs a week for most of the year... We rarely miss a practice session. You would think this would be plenty of time to practice all of the 130 plus songs that we perform, but this is not always the case. There have been a few songs that they "blow the dust off" and want to perform at one of our shows. I typically find this out while Craig is making the set list (usually less than 10 min before the show). I then mention that I have never practiced or performed the song with them. He smiles (and chuckles) and turn to me and says "it will be OK", and if it isn't, it is Bilge Pump funny

Learning new songs
Yearly, there are new songs that are introduced to the band to be considered for performing. Most of the time there is a resistance because it's going to require work as a considerable amount of time goes into having the outcome we desire. Vocals, harmony, drums, guitar, bass and song filking are carefully chosen. There have been a few times that Dave has sent me a message a couple of weeks before a gig on a song he would like to "try" during the gig. No pressure, huh? During one particular show, a fan kept shouting out "Freebird". So, during the break, Dave filked the lyrics as I worked on how to play it. The next show, we gave them our version of "Freebird".

Long drive to gigs
We seem to be pretty centrally located to most of the gigs we play at. That can sometimes be a bad thing as most of the gigs we perform at are not local. This is typical when we go to the Louisiana Renaissance Festival in Hammond, LA. We meet up late afternoon, all the gear is packed (crammed is more like it) into the urban assault vehicle, then we start out 8 hr journey to show up at the hotel in the wee hours of the morning. Craig is just amazing on these as I have never seen him sleep on a road trip and he keeps us entertained with story after story (and he never repeats). Dave and Nathan, however, are asleep before we are out of Dallas. After a full weekend of performing we head back after our last show on Sunday and are dragging at work on Monday

Practice on your own
I am often asked "how long do you practice?" My answer: "as much as it takes". I still am learning, so I practice anywhere from 5 hrs to 12 hrs a week. I have an equal amount of non Bilge Pump songs (yes, get over it) in my library that I play. I've also been learning bass, electric guitar, and learning how to use the effect pedals.

Recording in hot conditions
I'm sure most of you have a perception of what it's like in a recording studio. We call ours "Sweatbox Studio" for a good reason. Our studio consists of a 6x6 room with foam sound absorbing insulation and 1 window. On the recording day, Craig arrives and starts going to work setting up the equipment. The next step is for him to lay down either a drum or bass track. Each of the members take a turn in the studio as the temperature slowly rises. As the day rolls on, you hope that you are not one of the last members to record a track. At the last recording session, I entered the room about 3p.m. and the heat, humidity, and stench of everyone's perspiration nearly caused me to black out. My guitar gets plugged in and the levels are all set. As I'm playing a song, the sweat is dripping off my forehead, stinging my eyes, and dripping down my back and into the unknown. The guitar pick starts to slip as you're doing everything humanly possible to keep a beat and not make a mistake so as not to prolong the torture.

Fashion, new clothing to keep up
When I first became a Bilge Pump, I had a very short time before my first gig (Dickens). I had decided on a "look" that suited me. The outfit I ordered was back-ordered 4 days before the gig. I went thru my closet and put together something suitable. The Steampunk hat was the topper. The compliments I received from the first outing suggested that an entire Pirate/Steampunk was the correct look for me, so I've gone with it ever since.

Performing in adverse conditions
If it's a Bilge Pump event, you can expect rain. We do not always perform indoors or under large stages with canopies. Most of our shows are outdoors, and that comes with the challenges of playing in wind, cold, pouring rain, heat and any other conditions known to man. I remember one very wet weekend that we were all huddled under a small tarp (trying to keep the guitar dry) and Craig was pounding away on his steel drum (from which he had to poor out the water after a song)

My hand at filking a songs
Dave is one of the best song filkers I know. He and Craig are very talented at coming up new lyrics on the fly. So, imagine my concern when I showed them 3 songs that I had filked. Craig and Dave were both impressed and we'll be recording on of those as a new Christmas song this month.

Why Do I do It?
Is it the tremendous amount of money we get? LOL (usually it's enough to pay the expenses). Is it that I have nothing better to do with my time? (not hardly).
The truth is that I have the pleasure of working with some very talented people (and they will deny this at all costs) that took me under their wing and gave me a change to enjoy what they do. I consider us part of a big family and each of the members brings his own unique element to the band.
Ted is the comic relief. I never know what he will do. The crowd enjoys his antics.
Nathan: great singer, part time drummer, and his wife is and excellent baker that brings us goodies to shows.
Dave: the most colorful one. Needs no microphone unless he is singing; our song filker. Christopher: the cheeriest one of the bunch (not). Great guitar player, bass, electric and acoustic. Great at vocals and figuring out where a song needs to be improved
Craig (or Greg as we like to call him): the most talented of the group. Singer, acoustic guitar, bass, drums, steel drums, didjeridu, and anything else you can throw at him (which we do)
And most importantly, we do it for you, our beloved fans.

Way back in the halcyon days of Hawkwood in 1997, a merchant set up a tent booth not too far from the arena where the Scottish Caledonian Gamers (a highland games troop I was part of) performed. His name was Steffon and his shop was Earthwalkers and it turns out he was just working his way through the area heading back to Idaho, where he was based. I'd seen some of the prices for Bald Mountain Boots and their competitors at Scarborough and, though they were nice enough boots, the price was too much for me to stomach to have boots that looked much like everyone else's. I struck up a conversation with Steffon and found out he was going to be at the West Texas Ren Faire right after Hawkwood, just as the Caledonians were, so I made a deal with him where I would come up with a rough design of what I wanted my boots to look like over the festival and I'd meet him in Abilene where he'd get my foot/calf measurements for my custom boots. A couple of weeks later in Abilene, I dropped $500 on the table to him and he took my money and drove off to Idaho... never to be seen again.

OK, that last part is misleading as, although I never saw him face-to-face again, I did have a great pair of buffalo hide boots arrive in the mail a couple of months later that I immediately tried on, ditching the moccasin boots I'd been wearing since I'd started character acting in faires. They fit like a glove and I've been wearing them as part of my faire costumes ever since.

That's 19 years of the same boots for those that are arithmetically challenged. 19 years of the same... pair... of... boots. These things are as much a part of the Maroon character as I am. Sure, I've worn the soles down to nubs four times and had them replaced. Sure, these boots are made in such a way that every time the sole is replaced, the leather stretches tighter and I lose a boot size until they're stretched out again. Sure, there are only so many times I can do that before the laws of physics catch up and the damned things just rip open. Sure, there are cracks in the buffalo hide so deep you can stand dimes up in them. Does it matter to me? Nuh-uh. These boots have been through massive floods (see TRF last year, KC in 2003, TRF in 2002) and searing heat (see Wichita in 2006 and Ft Worth in 2005) and they keep on ticking. These are my lucky boots.

I've only had to perform twice as a Bilge Pump without these boots since the band's been in existence. Once in 2001 in Louisiana where I flat out forgot to bring them and was forced to wear some $20 zipper boots found at the Hammond Wal-Mart, and then again this year at Pirates on the Prairie V as I hadn't received them back yet in from the latest sole replacement and overall repair. I wore my old Black Bart cowboy boots instead and never did feel quite right on stage. They may not be at the level of Linus' security blanket, but they're definitely a creature comfort for me.

This last sole replacement ended up getting a heavy-duty break in as the new (size smaller) boots arrive in time for Mardi Gras where I proceeded to walk many, many miles in two parades to get them re-stretched to my size again. They did really well, one blister notwithstanding. This time they even got some TLC from Steffon in the form of new stitching to replace blown out ones, new lining upgrades, and a solid coat of waterproofing. Though he did mention that he was torn between repairing them or just putting them up in some kind of boot hall of fame.

All-in-all, I'm proud of these boots that are way older then both my kids put together. Here's to the next 19 years, boys.

P.S. If anyone's interested in Earthwalkers Boots, you can check out their site at Earthwalkers.biz. They still do the custom boots, but they also have sized boots available for those wanting cheaper alternatives.

Because it's all for me blog. Me jolly jolly blog.
....Maroon

Well, about this time last year, the Bilge Pumps welcomed aboard our newest member and guitar player, Jack the Rum Runner (a.k.a. Captain Fred Sparrow, a.k.a. Carlos Santana, a.k.a. Fred Flores). The Fezziwig Friday Night opening of Dickens on the Strand in 2014 was his first official gig with us, but we were pounding him relentlessly with our library of songs long before then and we've been pounding him relentlessly (with songs) ever since.

We first approached Fred with the concept of joining the band as a guitar player last summer because he'd dared mention the fact that he used to play guitar. Our beloved Sharkbait Simon had been coming to fewer gigs because his personal and professional life kept intruding, so we were a bit desperate for a guitar player. That was especially true after witnessing my lame attempt at playing emergency guitar last summer at a couple of shows. Fred mulled the offer over for a while and secretly pulled his guitar back out of retirement and started rebuilding his skills and left finger calluses to determine privately if he would be able to do himself justice on the songs. After a couple of months of psyching himself up into believing he could do it, he agreed to start joining us in rehearsals to see how things would go.

First thing we did was figure out what gig he wanted to start on and then we'd begin tailoring the songs in rehearsals to that. Problem was, Dickens was the first gig and that meant not only would he get the blast of 60+ guitar songs (at the time), but hit with our bevy of pirate Christmas carols as well. He managed to weather the deluge of information and keys by devoting hours upon hours of his spare time each week practicing with the sheets and our recordings so that we would be ahead of the game when he got to rehearsal with us.

He made a successful debut that Friday night at Dickens (in fact, he did better than I did since I damn near completely screwed up singing "The Night Pat Murphy Died ", covering for Sharkbait). So, how best to reward him for a job well done? Hit him with a pack of completely different songs for Pirates on the Prairie and Mardi Gras Galveston! He had to cover the 2-hour Mardi Gras set without Sharkbait's help as well. Who says pirates can't swim? We threw this guy in the deep end and tossed a piano on top of him and he still managed to show up on the foredeck, smiling, with a mermaid on each hip.

His dedication to taking on our catalog of 120+ songs on his own has been awesome. He's even taken it upon himself to learn bass on some of the songs we do that I can't play bass on myself due to me playing other instruments. That means he has to learn two instruments and sometimes vocals for a song. He's worked hard on pounding our old stuff on his own to allow us to focus on our new songs during rehearsal. He's also been a quality guy both in and out of shows, always willing to help out where he can and simply show support where he can't. In other words, why is this guy in our band again? Doesn't sound like he fits at all!

My hat is off to Jack as he has managed a minor miracle in getting caught up and comfortable with not only our music, but with our crazy-ass personalities as well. Now if only we can get him to sing and play guitar at the same time... No rest for the wicked.

Because it's all for me blog. Me jolly jolly blog.
....Maroon